Over the holiday break, a group of friends and family snuggled
down for a (very long!) evening to watch you in Titanic. I’d never seen your movie before. I know, crazy. How I
managed to dodge your juggernaut I will never tell, so don’t even ask (my late-90’s
media diet is a deep ocean of secrets).
Anyway, at the end of the film - as you know - the old
version of you tosses the bazillion-dollar necklace forever into the watery
abyss. Rose, I was on totally board with you until that point. So, I’m writing
this to tell you straight up: you are dumb for tossing the huge diamond off the
ship, for at least one of three reasons:
1. It was a failure as a gesture of devotion or closure.
Rose, if you tossed the necklace to honor your lifetime of love for Jack, then
you clearly didn’t know him at all. Your film took great pains to make the case
that not only did he have no use for wealth, his cashless riches were the center
of his entire character. In fact, those
riches were the very keys he used to spring you from the golden cuffs that
bound you to your d-bag fiancé. Was Jack’s unrested soul wandering the ocean
floor, waiting for the bazillion dollar necklace? Please. Was throwing the
necklace a peace offering to atone for how you secretly carried it as a safety
net during your adventuresome (?) life between the movie timelines? More likely,
I think, but that’s not very flattering so probably not.
Now, your D-Bag fiancé – perhaps the least-interesting character
I’ve seen in any movie – is exactly the type of jackhole who actually would wander the sea floor moaning and
rattling chains about a lost necklace. Throwing it to him would have made a
great statement, but sadly, his plotline was nipped short.
2. It fails as a statement about the corrupting influence
of money. Rose, your arc does a great job of showing us that poor people can
live rich lives, and that rich people can be miserable, and that both are easily
trapped by the grinding social rigors of maintaining class. The poor are –
literally - locked in the bilge of a sinking ship by the rich people with the keys.
The rich are – figuratively – locked in a death march to maintain airs and
graces. So why not make a grandiose statement by throwing your symbol of ultimate
wealth into the waves where it can never be retrieved? Well, because that is stupid.
If you wanted to make a real statement, why not use the immense
value of the necklace to start a ranch for young rich girls to break free from
their D-Bags and learn to ride horses, like you did? And that’s just off the
top of my head. Imagine if Bill and Melinda Gates said “we believe every human
being has the right to live a healthy, productive life. So, we’re going to dump
all of our money into the ocean.” I hate to say it, but that’s exactly what you
did.
3. It succeeds as maudlin cinematics.
And finally, Rose, there is the possibility that your regrettable action is not
in the natural flow of your character, but was awkwardly shoehorned into you by
a pragmatic and ruthless screenwriter. If I was a betting man, this is where I would
plunk down my own gigantic diamond necklace. I believe you were coerced into
doing this thing to twist the knife in those members of the audience who were
not sufficiently moved by Jack’s death. Or maybe that’s just what I want to
believe, because I see great things in you. But even if it is not your fault,
it still is a stupid thing to do, by proxy.
So, there you go. Sorry if that
was a little blunt, but I thought you would appreciate the straightforward feedback.
Your admirer,
-d.
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